The Budget of Paradox

Sophia:

I got the nooks, the crannies, the nitty-gritty forty doe
So all aboard, castaway, hey where’s my boogaloo?

I’ve mentioned this elsewhere: I bought you an iPod for your birthday last year. But I didn’t send it because I wasn’t sure that you would actually receive it. I was waiting to hear from you. I’ll send it whenever you want. By the way, I’m talking about a Fifth Generation iPod. They look like this. Yes, I know, you can listen to music on your phone. But the battery on an iPod lasts much longer, has a much larger library, and doesn’t require WiFi or cell service. They’re Old School, but I love ‘em.

I populated your iPod with many hours of music. Very often, there’s a story behind the songs. Some of them I discovered when I was your age. Some of the music was the soundtrack to my life as I grew up, some of it good and some of it bad. Breakups. Goodbyes. Triumphs. Inspirations. Memories of people and places. Long drives in the desert. Romantic campaigns. Music that got me through difficult times. Collectively, they tell a story. It’s not just copy/paste music from when I was a teenager. It’s music that means something to me, and says something about me. And I wanted to share it with you. Someday, it might be the only thing you have left of me.

I bought an iPod for Morey when she was your age. But she immediately lost it. What’s worse, she didn’t seem to care. I spent many hours preparing it for her. I don’t think she cared at all. I don’t think I’m asking for much; I’m asking that you care, just a little, or at least pretend to. Who knows? I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? You might discover some new music that you like.

Anyway, as it turns out, of all the thousands of songs on your iPod, the first one I copied into it was “They Want EFX” by Das EFX. Their style combined intricate rhymes, sometimes mixed with made up words (especially ending with “-iggedy”). I liked them immediately. This song brings me back to college, in 1992, driving on U.S. 101 in California (the Ventura Freeway) between Thousand Oaks and Encino. It was a wonderful time in my life. I’d love to share it with you someday.

In the meantime, here is the song, right here, right now.

Bum stiggedy bum stiggedy bum, hon, I got the old pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
But I can fe-fi or fo, diddly-bum, here I come
So Peter Piper, I’m hyper than Pinocchio’s nose
‘Cause I’m the supercalafragilistic tic-tac pro
I gave my oopsy, daisy, now you’ve got the Crazy
Drazy with the books, Googley-goo where’s the gravy
So one two, um, buckle my, um shoe
Yabba Doo, hippity-hoo, crack a brew
So trick or treat, smell my feet, yup I drippedy-dropped a hit
So books get on your mark and spark that old censorship
Drats and double drats, I smiggedy-smacked some whiz kids
The boogedy-woogedly Brooklyn boy’s about to get his, dig
My waist bone’s connected to my hip bone
My hip bone’s connected to my thigh-bone
My thigh-bone’s connected to my knee bone
My knee bone’s connected to my hardy-har-har-har
The jibbedy-jabber jaw ja-jabbing at your funny bone, um
Skip the Ovaltine, I’d rather have my honeycomb
Or preferably the sinsemilla, Let’s spiggedy-spark the blunts, um
Dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
Snap a neck for some live EFX
Well, I’ll be darned, shiver me timbers yo, head for the hills!
I picked a weeping willow, and a daffodil
So back up bucko, or I’ll pulverize McGruff
‘Cause, this little piggy gets, busy and stuff
Arrivederci, heavens to mercy, honky tonk I get swift
I caught a Snuffleupagus and smoked a boogaloo spliff
I got the nooks, the crannies, the nitty-gritty 40 doe
So all aboard, castaway, hey where’s my boogaloo?
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-hhh, I’m steamin, a-go-ny!
Why’s everybody always pickin on me?
They call me Puddin’ Tane, and rap’s my game
You ask me again, and I’ll t-tell you the same
Since I’m the vocal vegemintarian, stick ‘em up freeze
So no Parks sausages, mom, please
A-Blitz shoots the breeze, twiddly-dee shoots his lip
Crazy Drayzie shot the sheriff yup, and I shot the gift
And that’s pret-ty sneak-ky sis, oh yo
I got my socks off, my rocks off, my Nestle’s cup of cocoa
Holly Hobbie tried to slob me, tried to rob me silly stunt
Diggedy-dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun!
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
Snap a neck for some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
Snap a neck for some live EFX
Yahoo, hidee-ho, yup I’m coming around the stretch
So here Fido boy, fetch, boy, fetch
I got the rope-a-dope a slippery choker, look at me get raw
And I’m the hickory-dickory top of morning boogoloo big jaw
With the yippedy zippedy Winnie the Pooh bad boy blue
Yo crazy got the gusto, what up, I swing that too
So nincompoop give a hoot and stomp a troop without a strain
Like Rosco P. Coltrane
I spiggedy-spark a spiff and give a twist like Chubby Checker
I take my Froot Loops with two scoops, make it double-decker
Oh, Finster Baby come to Papa Duke
A babaloo, ooh, a babaloo boogedy boo
I went from Gucci to Stussy, to fliggedy-flam a groupie
To Zsa Zsa, to yibbedy-yabba dabba hoochie koochie
Tally ho, I-I’ll take my Stove Top instead of my Tater, so
Maybe I’ll shoot ‘em now, nope, maybe I’ll shoot ‘em later, yep
I used to have a dog and Bingo was his name oh, so uh
B-I-N-G-O-oh
You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, hon, so uh
Dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
Snap a neck for some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
They want EFX, some live EFX
Snap a neck for some live EFX

sophia becker lynchburg, sophia zander becker, sophia zander becker lynchburg