The Budget of Paradox

Sophia, I found some videos a long time ago that really got me thinking. When a father has been separated from his daughter due to divorce, society tends to blame the man and show no sympathy for the girl. Most people figure the girl is probably better off. No one cares about the truth.

Anyway, I found this video and this video about prisons who arrange for daddy-daughter visits and they’re presented to be heartwarming, positive and urgently necessary.

I don’t think any father should be separated from his kids, but the point is society seems to care more about you if your father is some tatted-up thug or drug addict. I didn’t break any laws; I didn’t sell drugs. Prison isn’t what keeps you and me apart. Strangers keep us apart: dirty lawyers and some dolt in a black robe.

I’m feeling a little down about the situation right now. I tried hard most of my life to stay out of trouble and do the right thing. It hurts to know that fuckups and scumbags get more sympathy than we do.

Maybe I should have just sold drugs. Then I could see you.

I love you, Sophia. I wish I could dance with you.

Sophia, I wonder what your school is like and what your teachers are like. When I lived on Kauai with Morey Percy, I knew her teachers very well. I knew what she was studying. My dream-slash-plan was to get her ahead in math at some point. For example, when she was in 5th grade, I planned to get a copy of her 6th grade math book and tutor her over the summer. At some point, she could skip a year and be a whole year ahead.

Maybe your mom told you at some point that I’m basically a math weenie. I would have loved to have helped you with math homework, even help you get a year ahead as well. I love to explain math problems in simple terms.

I wish I had the chance to get to know your teachers. I’m sorry I’m missing all of it.

And, while living outside the USA, the view of American schools now is that they’re all run by screeching blue-haired Trans-whatever they/them clowns who make everything about Gay Pride, even a math class. At least, that’s the impression I sometimes get. Of course, Lynchburg is a bit more conservative, so that’s probably not the case for you.

Anyway, I saw this teacher complaining, and I wondered what you thought of it. Can you relate to any of this? Also, the haunting line: “Kids only care about how they will be entertained for the next five minutes.”

http://black.blue/flat/docs/teachers.m4v

sophia zander becker lynchburg, sophia becker lynchburg virginia

To Sophia:

“I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or
wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.”

Sophia, I’m still waiting for my painting, baby girl.
http://black.blue/flat/docs/paint.m4v

p.s. I’m serious. OK, not your little kid painting, but something original from you.

Sophia: What are your thoughts on summer camp? I’m talking about a real summer camp out in the wilderness where you spend the night in a cabin. I know your mom likes that second-class “day camp” in Lynchburg. Having only a pool and tie-dye lessons does not a camp make.

In 2012, I paid to send Morey to a summer camp in North Carolina called Green Cove (https://www.greencove.com/). The camp won’t ever advertise with these exact words, but to be blunt, it’s a camp for rich white girls. The camp is expensive, more expensive than most. But they offer horseback riding, sailing, mountain biking, rock climbing, tennis, archery, pottery, target shooting with real rifles, and overnight paddling trips where the girls build a fire and cook their own dinners riverside. Here’s a video: https://player.vimeo.com/video/474737487.

Morey liked it there. I wanted her to attend year after year, and make friends there. Even though you were very young, I imagined the future when you and Morey could attend together.

I paid for Morey to attend the camp again in 2013. But your mother stole the money and instead sent Morey to the cheap camp in Lynchburg. She claimed she needed the money to buy gas and groceries and pay the rent. But I think your mother was just too lazy to get a job. Both parents should work to support themselves and help pay for their kids. I don’t know why she expected me to work and pay for everything while she had no job and did nothing. The camp money was a special gift for Morey and your mother stole it. I never forgave her for that. You don’t steal from your own children.

The point I’m laboring to make is that you are invited, by me, to attend summer camp at Green Cove. I’ll pay for it. But this time I’ll be sure the money can’t be stolen. You’ll like it there. Your mother will no doubt complain that you need clothes and supplies to attend. I’ll pay for those, too. Then, she’ll complain about transportation; how you’ll get to North Carolina. Some people only try to think of problems. But some people try to think of solutions. Pay attention, and you’ll figure out who’s who. Whatever the problem, I’m sure I can figure it out. I solve problems. That’s what I do.

Anyway, take your time and think about it. Watch the video. Let me know. I’d love to give that gift to you. I want my girls to have nice things and have a nice life. I don’t know why it’s so hard for your mother to believe me.