The Budget of Paradox

Sophia,
The principal of your school is some limptard named Dani Rule. If you ever meet him, tell him I said hello. He sounds like a real swell guy. Back when I was trying to get Morey’s school records, those cowards over at Dunbar gave me a hard time. I guess the school administrators think your mom is the ‘real’ parent and I’m just some annoying asshole with no rights. Can’t a man simply be interested in how his kids are doing in school? I had to get a lawyer to finally get them to comply with me. And it looks like Dani Rule wants a lawsuit, too. Fine. They can’t stop my love for my children.
Dad

p.s. Dani Rule, if you’re reading this: you’re a coward. I can be a pain in your ass for four more years. Just do the right thing. Do your damn job.

Lynchburg City School Board has appointed Dr. Daniel “Dani” Jon Rule as the next Principal of E.C. Glass High School.

Sophia,

Some random thoughts… 34 years ago this weekend, I bought my first CD.

Music delivery technology changed a lot in the 20 years before you were born. When I was your age, if you bought music, it came on a vinyl record (big round black disks; I’m sure you’ve seen a photo of them, but I’m also sure you’ve never held one). Music also came on cassette tapes. When I was really young, it was still possible to buy music on reel-to-reel tapes. That’s really old technology.

When I was in high school, the compact disc (CD) was introduced. It was a revolution because it was digital music, and digital never degrades. Vinyl records and tapes degrade over time.

There was a time when I had a huge collection of CDs. Hundreds of them. I enjoyed collecting rare and hard-to-find CDs, especially imports from Japan. The cool import CDs were always from Japan for some unknown reason. I’m not talking about Japanese bands. In fact, if you were into a band from Belgium (such as Front 242), you’d expect their rare CDs to be from Belgium. But nope. Japan.

Anyway, by the time you were born, almost all music was streamed over the internet. You can still buy CDs (and even vinyl records). But it’s all streaming now.

So, getting back to 1989. I was living in upstate New York and getting ready to move to Hawaii for the first time. I bought a CD player and my first CD. It was “Blind Man’s Zoo” by 10,000 Maniacs. I bought it on the strength of the song “Trouble Me”. The lead singer, Natalie Merchant, is also from upstate New York. She’s only a few years older than me.

It’s funny that I remember all these dumb little details.

Link to “Trouble Me”. Natalie wrote it as a love letter to her father who was dying in a hospital at the time.

I love you and miss you. I’d love to tell you more stories from my youth.

Dad

p.s. if you liked that song, here is one more.

Sophia: Your mother’s birthday is tomorrow. Does she even celebrate it anymore? When we were married and living on Kauai, I started to plan a big birthday party for her one year. But she told me to scale it back considerably. She just wanted a small affair.

When I first met your mother, she was 31. And I’m sure you know by now that some women hate getting old and sometimes deny their correct age. Sometimes they try to hide their age; but sometimes their denial runs so deep, they genuinely forget.

Shortly after we met, your mother had a doctor’s appointment and I went along. I can’t remember why she was seeing a doctor. I’m sure it was something minor. In the waiting room, they had her fill out a form. One of the questions was her age. I distinctly remember that she wrote “29”. Then she stopped and thought about it for a second. Then, she crossed it out and wrote “30”. Then she stopped again and thought about it some more. Then, she crossed it out again and wrote “31”. Then she started to cry.

We laughed about it together.

Your mother and I back when she was 29 30 31. The other couple is the famous painter Walfrido and his wife.

All of my memories of your mom since the divorce are bad. Now, she just seems like an angry, paranoid, selfish old lady who lives in some alternate reality that she’s invented. It’s too bad you never got to know her like she was back in her thirties. She was funny and clever and loving and surprising and daring. Her humor was twisted and dark (and I mean that in a good way; I mean that in the best possible way). We all change, I guess. But my love for my children hasn’t changed.

Sophia,
Do you use Uber? It’s a legit question. Morey can drive. Percy, whatever. And she has a car (as far as I know). She could give you rides, but I suspect that she doesn’t. The last time I talked to her, she didn’t seem very interested in your life at all. I wonder if your mom would let you use Uber by yourself now.

I use Uber all the time now. The last vehicle I owned was a Mitsubishi SUV in Abu Dhabi. But I sold it. Before that, I hadn’t owned my own car in several years. For a long time, I had jobs where the employer provided a car, even for personal things like shopping and weekend trips. It was nice while it lasted. Now, I have nothing. I’m thinking of buying another car, but it’s sure nice not to worry about parking or speeding tickets — ever. And depending on where you are in the world, parking can be an extreme bloodsport. Plus, the driver and I don’t even have to speak the same language as long as I point to where I want to go on a map.

Anyway, I am just wondering if you use Uber. You’re old enough now that you probably want to get out of the house and be with your friends sometime. I’d be happy to put some Uber Cash into your account if you need it.

Quick story, kinda funny. When I fly to the UAE, I can fly into either Dubai or Abu Dhabi. Sometimes I fly to Dubai if it’s much cheaper. But then I need an Uber or taxi to Abu Dhabi. It’s a 75-minute ride, but sometimes it’s worth it. One night, I flew to Dubai, and got in the Uber, and asked if we could go to Abu Dhabi. The driver let out a big sigh, but said yes. I asked him if there’s a problem. He said I was only his third ride of the evening. And the last two rides also went to Abu Dhabi. Poor guy.

Dad

Dear Sophia,

I hope these words find you well. It’s been quite some time since we last spoke or saw each other, and I want you to know how much I miss you and think about you every day.

First and foremost, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. My love for you is unwavering and unconditional, and nothing can change that. You are my precious daughter, and my love for you only grows stronger with each passing day.

I understand that things between us have not been easy lately, and I want to acknowledge your feelings and experiences. I know that it might be hard for you to understand why we ended up in this situation, and I want you to know that I take full responsibility for my part in it. I’m truly sorry for any pain or confusion I may have caused you.

You are growing into a remarkable young woman, and I couldn’t be prouder of the person you are becoming. I admire your strength, your intelligence, and your compassion. I want nothing more than to be a part of your life and to support you in every way I can.

I know that healing and rebuilding trust will take time, and I’m willing to be patient. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk or spend time together. My greatest hope is that we can find a way to reconnect and build a loving, meaningful relationship again.

Please remember that I’m just a phone call or message away. If you ever want to talk or share your thoughts and feelings, I’m here to listen. Your happiness and well-being mean everything to me.

I understand that this blog post might not instantly mend the wounds between us, but I hope it can be a first step towards reconciliation. Please know that I cherish you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be a part of your life again.

With all my love,

Dad