The Budget of Paradox

Sophia,
How are your teeth? When’s the last time you went to a dentist? When I was a kid, Nana Julie made sure I saw a dentist every six months. I remember getting out of school for a few hours to go to appointments. She always made it a priority.

Getting the kids to a dentist was a sore spot during my marriage to your mom for some inexplicable reason. She had no interest in taking Morey to a dentist. She said Morey’s baby teeth would just fall out anyway someday. So, I made an appointment and took Morey myself. I still remember being with her during her first exam. She was probably three or four years old at the time.

Slightly off-topic, but the town where I grew up put sodium fluoride in the drinking water. It helps prevent tooth decay. Not every town does that. Nowhere in Hawaii does that. I don’t know if Lynchburg does it. The first time I ever visited a dentist in Hawaii, he took one look at my teeth and immediately knew that I grew up in a place with sodium fluoride in the drinking water. It’s so obvious.

I always bought mouthwash for you and Morey that contains sodium fluoride. Not all mouthwashes have it. You need to read the label. Most mouthwashes give you fresh breath, which is nice. But you really need sodium fluoride on your teeth when you go to sleep.

When I was in Afghanistan, I remember talking to Morey on the phone. I asked her when’s the last time someone looked at her teeth. She was surprised by the question. “There’s a doctor just for teeth?” She had no memory of ever visiting a dentist in Lynchburg. Money wasn’t the issue; I had great health insurance. A dentist visit would be free. Your mom just had to make an appointment and take you. But she wouldn’t do it. I still don’t understand that. A few days later, I was still mad. I called her up and told her that refusing to give the kids dental healthcare was essentially child abuse. There was no reason not to take you and Morey to see a dentist.

Eventually, I made an appointment myself for you and Morey — from a tent in Afghanistan. I reminded your mom of the appointment, but she still “forgot” (so she says), and it had to be re-scheduled.

When I found out you had no mouthwash with sodium fluoride, I had an entire case of it shipped to your house. Morey and your mom thought I was crazy for doing it. Yeah, I’m the crazy abusive asshole with great teeth who wants his kids to have great teeth, too.

The next time your mom tells you that I want to kidnap you, say, “Yes, and he’ll bring me to a dentist!”

Thinking of you today, and your teeth,
Dad

p.s. if you want to go hardcore, find mouthwash with chlorhexidine gluconate. Yeah, I know, lots of big chemistry words. But it’s great stuff if you want great teeth. You really need to read the fine print. If you want some, but can’t get it, let me know. I’ll be sure you get some. Ask ANY old person. They all wish they’d taken better care of their teeth.