The Budget of Paradox

Sophia,

Joyous Kwanzaa, my spawn.

I wanted to call you yesterday. But I don’t know any of your phone numbers or media accounts. I don’t even know where you are right now. I asked your mom. Then I asked Kimberly and Nana Lee. Everyone ignored me.

I still don’t know why everyone is terrified that you might have a loving father in your life. Seems stupid to me. Every time you surrender to fear, you give up a little bit of your soul.

I hope your Christmas was enjoyable. At the very least, I hope peace was upon you, even for a moment. Life is so full of distractions. It’s important to have a moment of peace once in a while.

I am very sorry that I missed another Christmas with you. As far as I can recall, we’ve only had one Christmas together, in 2009, when you were only a year old. I have photos to prove it. I’d post them here but it’s probably a waste of time. You’ll probably never ask to see them. But, please prove me wrong.

I have no idea if you’re receiving the gifts I send you. I still don’t know if you got your birthday present this year. It seems pointless to keep sending you things if they’re being retired directly into the trash, which I suspect is their fate.

Nevertheless, I love you and miss you.
Dad