The Budget of Paradox

Sophia,
Are you a Swiftie? I have no idea one way or the other. As you can probably imagine, I am not a big Taylor Swift fan; I’m not really in her target demographic. But I can’t help but notice all the attention and news she’s been generating lately.

I think her Eras Tour is finished in the USA. But I was curious, so I looked. She has an upcoming international tour. In fact, she recently played in CDMX (Mexico City). Reminds me of this post.

She’s playing in Rio de Janeiro soon, but I doubt your mom would let you meet me there. It’s a beautiful city, BTW. I was there last year.

She’s also playing across Europe all next year. A flight to Paris or Vienna wouldn’t be so long. I’d love to have you meet me there if you’re a Swiftie. I’m sure I could find nice VIP tickets so we could have good seats. I’d love to do that with you.

When you were very little, Morey was a Selena Gomez fan, and I bought us special concert tickets so we could meet her backstage. Morey had her photo taken with her. After the concert, we went back to a fancy hotel and ordered room service. That was a nice memory. I’d love to have a similar memory with you, too.

I used to tell Morey: the world is big place. You need to get out of tiny Lynchburg to see it. I promise, you’ll see the world differently after you spend a week with me in Paris, especially if we can get VIP Swiftie tickets.

I love you.

Dad

Sophia,
I just remembered that you’ll turn 18 while you’re a high school senior. Why not consider flying out to see me over your Spring Break in 2027? Or better still, Christmas 2026. Of course, I’d love to see you sooner. But if your mom refuses to get you a passport, we have to figure out something around your 18th birthday.

Her refusal to get you a passport is just cruel and stupid and pointless. Will I kidnap you? Yes, and make you happy.

And then I’ll send you back home at the appointed time.

Her stupid lawyer gave her this idea that I’m a kidnapper. The stupid lawyer is long gone, but somehow still has an influence. I don’t get it. It was never true then, and it’s certainly not true now. I never threatened to kidnap anyone. I never even joked about it. In fact, when I try to take your mom to court to assert my child visitation, she hires expensive lawyers to fight me. Who’s kidnapped who, here?

I don’t know why some people are terrified by the fact that you have a father who loves you.

Morey Percy whatever,
I always have to stop and think about your name. It’s certainly better than having me memorize some kooky pronouns. Anyway, I was thinking about the last time we spoke. You had just gotten a brand new passport in the mail. I’m curious: which name does it contain? If it’s Morey, can you still use it? No one at the airport would know. Certainly, no one in a foreign country would know.

I don’t think I ever asked you why you got it in the first place. Or, if I did, I forgot. Where were you planning to go? I know this was way after the Iceland thing.

A long time ago, you had a brief obsession with Japan, but I think that’s passed.

So, where did you want to go?

Well, if you ever used it, I hope you had a good time.

Sophia: if your mom refuses to get you a passport because she hates me (which is a logical, well-considered reason), I’ll pay for you to get one on your 18th birthday. The world is a big, exciting place. If the UAE is too far, remember that Mexico City is only four hours from Lynchburg. You can come down for a 3-day weekend.

Sophia,

It was my birthday yesterday. I didn’t do much. Maybe one of these years, you might feel ready to say Happy Birthday to me. That would be nice.

I don’t know how much global news you absorb. More importantly, I don’t know if anyone is teaching you the context of the news. What’s happening in Israel right now has a context that is very deep, very serious, and very old… almost going back to the Bible. Jews and Arabs have been fighting since forever.

Anyway, I won’t explain it all here. I can’t, really. But what I hear in the news is that Iran could be responsible for the attack on Israel. Iran, if you look at a map, Iran is just across the waters of the Arabian Gulf from Abu Dhabi. If war begins to destabilize the Gulf region again, especially if Iran is involved, wow, that would be some great job security for me. It would be nice to put my skills to work again and get paid for it.

I hope you’re well.

I think of you, and miss you.

Dad

Sophia,
Do you know your cousin’s names from my side of your family? How about your aunt from my side? Or your great-uncle? Do you know anything about my side of your family? For a long time, I accused your mom of alienating you from me. But it goes beyond just me personally. You have an entire ‘other’ family besides the Moreys and the Tunkels.

I’m curious. I wonder if your mother is still pushing the story that I shook you as a baby.

Here’s a true story: almost exactly 13 years ago in the Fall of 2010, I was working in Afghanistan but I came back to Lynchburg for two weeks. Your mom was having a medical procedure. After her procedure, she was given powerful drugs – narcotics – to help knock her out so she could sleep. One afternoon, after she took some narcotics, I put you down in your crib to take a nap. But you only slept for 10 or 15 minutes. When you woke up, I quickly dashed upstairs to try to soothe you so you wouldn’t wake up your mom.

But she woke up anyway. And I guess she figured I was incapable of handling a baby, so she got up and came to your room. I was already there, and I encouraged your mom to go back to sleep. All of this is true. It’s undisputed.

But when we were getting divorced four years later, your mom testified under oath (which means she promises to tell the truth in court) that she found me shaking you. Literally, she says I was shaking my own baby like a Polaroid picture, simply because she woke up. Because, you know, I guess I’m the kind of fucking asshole that shakes a baby when it won’t sleep. That was her story.

I’m sure you know by now that shaking a crying baby is more than just wrong. It’s selfish, stupid, criminal and potentially dangerous. Shaken babies die. It takes a real coward, a real piece of shit, to shake a baby. But that’s what your mom said.

While she was under oath, she was asked if she had X-rays or a CAT scan performed on you. Those are standard procedures for a shaken baby. She said no. She was asked if she took you to the hospital. Answer was no. “Ever taken Sophia to see a doctor for being shaken?” No. “Ever call the police or get a restraining order against the dad for being violent?” No. “Ever tell anyone about the shaking? Your sister, your mother, your best friend, your marriage counselor, your psychologist, the police, the schools, the teachers, the doctors, ANYONE?” No.

When the military investigated me because I needed a higher security clearance, they interviewed your mom. She said I was a great dad. I have copies of their interview.

So, to re-cap, while taking narcotics, she thinks she saw me shake you. But for four years, FOUR YEARS, she didn’t tell anyone, not a single soul. The first person she told was her divorce lawyer, and only after we had a disagreement about money. And during those four years, I had unrestricted access to you and Morey. I took you overnight, unsupervised, plenty of times.

And yet, despite all of this, your mother expects to be taken seriously. She thought the judge was so stupid that he would actually believe her story.

This is just one piece of the puzzle. There are many more. I hope someday you can see how all the pieces fit together to show that your mom is just a bitter lady who wanted to punish me by alienating me from my kids.

I didn’t leave you. I was pushed out by scumbag lawyers and a retarded judge. I love you more than ever. I never shook you. That’s insane to even think so.

Dad

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