The Budget of Paradox

Sophia: Your mother’s birthday is tomorrow. Does she even celebrate it anymore? When we were married and living on Kauai, I started to plan a big birthday party for her one year. But she told me to scale it back considerably. She just wanted a small affair.

When I first met your mother, she was 31. And I’m sure you know by now that some women hate getting old and sometimes deny their correct age. Sometimes they try to hide their age; but sometimes their denial runs so deep, they genuinely forget.

Shortly after we met, your mother had a doctor’s appointment and I went along. I can’t remember why she was seeing a doctor. I’m sure it was something minor. In the waiting room, they had her fill out a form. One of the questions was her age. I distinctly remember that she wrote “29”. Then she stopped and thought about it for a second. Then, she crossed it out and wrote “30”. Then she stopped again and thought about it some more. Then, she crossed it out again and wrote “31”. Then she started to cry.

We laughed about it together.

Your mother and I back when she was 29 30 31. The other couple is the famous painter Walfrido and his wife.

All of my memories of your mom since the divorce are bad. Now, she just seems like an angry, paranoid, selfish old lady who lives in some alternate reality that she’s invented. It’s too bad you never got to know her like she was back in her thirties. She was funny and clever and loving and surprising and daring. Her humor was twisted and dark (and I mean that in a good way; I mean that in the best possible way). We all change, I guess. But my love for my children hasn’t changed.

Sophia,
Do you use Uber? It’s a legit question. Morey can drive. Percy, whatever. And she has a car (as far as I know). She could give you rides, but I suspect that she doesn’t. The last time I talked to her, she didn’t seem very interested in your life at all. I wonder if your mom would let you use Uber by yourself now.

I use Uber all the time now. The last vehicle I owned was a Mitsubishi SUV in Abu Dhabi. But I sold it. Before that, I hadn’t owned my own car in several years. For a long time, I had jobs where the employer provided a car, even for personal things like shopping and weekend trips. It was nice while it lasted. Now, I have nothing. I’m thinking of buying another car, but it’s sure nice not to worry about parking or speeding tickets — ever. And depending on where you are in the world, parking can be an extreme bloodsport. Plus, the driver and I don’t even have to speak the same language as long as I point to where I want to go on a map.

Anyway, I am just wondering if you use Uber. You’re old enough now that you probably want to get out of the house and be with your friends sometime. I’d be happy to put some Uber Cash into your account if you need it.

Quick story, kinda funny. When I fly to the UAE, I can fly into either Dubai or Abu Dhabi. Sometimes I fly to Dubai if it’s much cheaper. But then I need an Uber or taxi to Abu Dhabi. It’s a 75-minute ride, but sometimes it’s worth it. One night, I flew to Dubai, and got in the Uber, and asked if we could go to Abu Dhabi. The driver let out a big sigh, but said yes. I asked him if there’s a problem. He said I was only his third ride of the evening. And the last two rides also went to Abu Dhabi. Poor guy.

Dad

Dear Sophia,

I hope these words find you well. It’s been quite some time since we last spoke or saw each other, and I want you to know how much I miss you and think about you every day.

First and foremost, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. My love for you is unwavering and unconditional, and nothing can change that. You are my precious daughter, and my love for you only grows stronger with each passing day.

I understand that things between us have not been easy lately, and I want to acknowledge your feelings and experiences. I know that it might be hard for you to understand why we ended up in this situation, and I want you to know that I take full responsibility for my part in it. I’m truly sorry for any pain or confusion I may have caused you.

You are growing into a remarkable young woman, and I couldn’t be prouder of the person you are becoming. I admire your strength, your intelligence, and your compassion. I want nothing more than to be a part of your life and to support you in every way I can.

I know that healing and rebuilding trust will take time, and I’m willing to be patient. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk or spend time together. My greatest hope is that we can find a way to reconnect and build a loving, meaningful relationship again.

Please remember that I’m just a phone call or message away. If you ever want to talk or share your thoughts and feelings, I’m here to listen. Your happiness and well-being mean everything to me.

I understand that this blog post might not instantly mend the wounds between us, but I hope it can be a first step towards reconciliation. Please know that I cherish you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be a part of your life again.

With all my love,

Dad