The Budget of Paradox

To Sophia:

“I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or
wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.”

Sophia, I’m still waiting for my painting, baby girl.
http://black.blue/flat/docs/paint.m4v

p.s. I’m serious. OK, not your little kid painting, but something original from you.

Sophia: What are your thoughts on summer camp? I’m talking about a real summer camp out in the wilderness where you spend the night in a cabin. I know your mom likes that second-class “day camp” in Lynchburg. Having only a pool and tie-dye lessons does not a camp make.

In 2012, I paid to send Morey to a summer camp in North Carolina called Green Cove (https://www.greencove.com/). The camp won’t ever advertise with these exact words, but to be blunt, it’s a camp for rich white girls. The camp is expensive, more expensive than most. But they offer horseback riding, sailing, mountain biking, rock climbing, tennis, archery, pottery, target shooting with real rifles, and overnight paddling trips where the girls build a fire and cook their own dinners riverside. Here’s a video: https://player.vimeo.com/video/474737487.

Morey liked it there. I wanted her to attend year after year, and make friends there. Even though you were very young, I imagined the future when you and Morey could attend together.

I paid for Morey to attend the camp again in 2013. But your mother stole the money and instead sent Morey to the cheap camp in Lynchburg. She claimed she needed the money to buy gas and groceries and pay the rent. But I think your mother was just too lazy to get a job. Both parents should work to support themselves and help pay for their kids. I don’t know why she expected me to work and pay for everything while she had no job and did nothing. The camp money was a special gift for Morey and your mother stole it. I never forgave her for that. You don’t steal from your own children.

The point I’m laboring to make is that you are invited, by me, to attend summer camp at Green Cove. I’ll pay for it. But this time I’ll be sure the money can’t be stolen. You’ll like it there. Your mother will no doubt complain that you need clothes and supplies to attend. I’ll pay for those, too. Then, she’ll complain about transportation; how you’ll get to North Carolina. Some people only try to think of problems. But some people try to think of solutions. Pay attention, and you’ll figure out who’s who. Whatever the problem, I’m sure I can figure it out. I solve problems. That’s what I do.

Anyway, take your time and think about it. Watch the video. Let me know. I’d love to give that gift to you. I want my girls to have nice things and have a nice life. I don’t know why it’s so hard for your mother to believe me.

Sophia, here’s an oddball question. Do you know if you’ve gotten a vaccine called Gardasil? It’s meant for young girls. It was invented and approved in 2006, just a few years before Morey was eligible to have it. I wanted Morey to have it, but your mother refused. This was when I was working overseas, so it was impossible for me to enforce it, and I just dropped it after a while.

Your mother had a streak of anti-vaxxer in her that I always thought was strange. When Morey was very little and needed all the basic shots that kids need to attend school, your mom was very reluctant to allow it. Later, of course, she was certain that the shots cause autism. It’s a popular myth, but it’s been proven wrong over and over. But someone people will never listen.

Over the years, I’ve often worried that you and Morey are getting all the shots you need, like Gardasil. Of course, when COVID came along, wow, the anti-vaxx people went crazy.

Did you know that Virginia law allows me to see your medical records? Your school records, too. I tried to explain this to your mom once. The law is very clear, but she didn’t believe me. She even tried to get a lawyer to stop me from seeing Morey’s school records, but it didn’t work. I’ve seen your reports card from this year. I could pull your medical records, but I was hoping that you and I could just talk about it between us like two people. Believe it or not, I still care about your health and your welfare.

What puzzled me the most was your mom giving me the anti-vaxx talking points while smoking a cigarette. She tried hard to stop smoking when she was pregnant with you. But I know she sneaked-in a few puffs here and there. Cigarettes are fine but vaccines are harmful, I guess.

This is an unrelated tangent, but I hope you never smoke. It’s a disgusting habit. Everyone who smokes wishes they could quit, but none of them can. Don’t be an idiot who thinks, “I can quit anytime I want.” I can’t believe people are so stupid to think that.

Anyway, I was just wondering about your Gardasil vaccine. You should get it if you haven’t already. But why take medical advice from me? I’m just the guy who climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and easily passes Class One flight physicals every year. I’m not the cigarette-smoking alcoholic anti-vaxxer who treated her breast cancer with crystals and magnets and needs surgery to stay thin (YES this is all true; stories for another day).

Stay well, kid. Eat more green stuff. For six months in Iraq, my breakfast every day was a dark leafy green salad, raw veggies and a dressing made from fresh lemon juice, salt and pepper. I never felt better. I need to get back to that. Anyway…

Sophia: I miss you. I really do. I wonder what you’re doing right now.

Missing you is worse than Roanoke.

sophia becker lynchburg,sophia zander becker lynchburg if she still uses her middle name