The Budget of Paradox

Sophia,
I was watching a video last night and this man reminded me of Pappa Bear. The two men aren’t identical or anything. But just reminded me.

He used to call you Sophie sometimes. I never got to ask you if you prefer Sophia or Sophie. Or, maybe when you’re 18, you’ll change it to Willodean.

I liked Pappa Bear.

Oh I’ve just come from the Land of the Sun
From a war that must be won
In the name of truth
With our soldiers so brave
Your freedom we will save
With our rifles and grenades
And some help from God

I want to see my family
My wife and child waiting for me
I’ve got to go home
I’ve been so alone, you see

You just can’t believe
The joy I did receive
When I finally got my leave
And I was going home
Oh I flew through the sky
My convictions could not lie
For my country I would die
And I will see it soon

I want to see my family
My wife and child waiting for me
I’ve got to go home
I’ve been so alone, you see

Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do

When I walked through the door
My wife she lay upon the floor
And with tears her eyes were sore
I did not know why
Then I looked into her hand
And then I saw the telegram
Said that I was a brave, brave man
But that I was dead

I want to see my family
My wife and child waiting for me
I’ve got to go home
I’ve been so alone, you see

I want to see my family
My wife and child waiting for me
I’ve got to go home
I’ve been so alone, you see

I want to see my family
My wife and child waiting for me
I’ve got to go home
I’ve been so alone, you see

the source

Sophia,

There’s a culinary instructor at your school named Chef Phillips. Next year, he’s taking some students on a trip to Costa Rica. It’s a small Latin American country very near Panama. As an EC Glass parent, I get the school’s newsletters.

I would love to pay your fees and have you go on the trip. There is such a big world out there beyond Lynchburg. I want you to see it.

I’d love to meet you in Costa Rica, even if only for a couple of days. I visit Panama all the time; it’s easy for me to get to Costa Rica.

I told your mom. She said no. And then, bizarrely, she said I’m responsible for alienating you. I really have no idea how to reply to that. In addition to all the other things I’ve done to try to be in your life, she made that statement literally right after I invited you to meet me in Costa Rica.

I really have no idea what goes through Kirsten’s brain sometimes. She hires lawyers to fight me — and lie — when I want to see you. But somehow, she’s concluded that I’m responsible for our alienation.

I’m really at a loss for words.

I can’t iterate it enough: I love you and miss you. I hope Costa Rica works out. Or something. Paris. Dubai. CDMX. Something.

Dad

Sophia,
I’m still thinking about what (your mother claims) you said about me: that I’ve “showed you” who I am. Your mother didn’t elaborate, but I’m sure it’s meant to be an insult.

Who am I? I know you were too young to appreciate this, but here is a true story about who I am.

I did the heavy lifting when it mattered. It was a labor of love. And my feelings never changed. What changed is that a bunch of limp-dick retarded faggot lawyers decided they know what’s in the best interests of my children better than I do… people you’ve never even met. And they didn’t do it for love. They did it for a paycheck.

Your dad loves you. If the whole world forgets about me, I hope you remember that.

Dad

Sophia,

Your mother just sent me this e-mail. I guess she speaks for you now if you refuse to speak for yourself.

I’m curious about the line, “he just spends all of his time telling me who he is, like I’ll be impressed”.

Sometimes, I get to see and do a lot of cool things. And yes, I want to share them with you. But there’s more. You were meant to go along for the ride. You were meant to be a part of my life, a big part. And if I only talk about myself, it’s because I don’t know you at all. Well, I know you’re inexplicably absent from school often, just like Morey was. Your mom loves to brag that she’s a great mom, but always leaves that part out.

I am very eager to hear about your life. Your mother has been withholding visitation since 2015. Don’t you think I’ve TRIED to see you? I’d be happy to show you the court papers and my lawyer bills (and letters from your mom’s lawyer urging the court to deny my requests).

“I know who he showed me he was”. According to your mother, you wrote this. BTW, awkward sentence structure, which makes me even more suspicious. Surely you’re not as poor of a writer as she is.

Anyway, I’m puzzled by this as well. We haven’t spoke since you were 8 or 9 years old. And you’re making a reference to what I’ve showed you? What have I showed you? What are you talking about? THIS IS WHAT I’ve been showing you.

I’m trying to show you love. But the internet is not the right venue. And it’s a one-way conversation. But it’s all I have.

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

Yours most Sincerely,
Dad